Easter isn’t just about chocolate eggs and questionable hot cross bun flavours — it’s about fun, surprises, and a little bit of chaos. Which got us thinking… what if the UK’s most iconic theme park rides were Easter eggs?

From towering launch coasters to family-friendly adventures, here’s our totally unofficial, completely unserious guide to what each ride would be if it were made of chocolate.

The Smiler (Alton Towers)

The Massive, Dizzying Multi-Layer Egg

The Smiler isn’t just any ride — it’s the world record holder for the most inversions on a coaster, and it feels every bit as intense as it sounds. If it were an Easter egg, it’d be one of those colossal eggs stuffed with mini eggs, popping candy, layers of caramel, and a warning label.

It’s excessive, chaotic, and you’ll probably regret going back for a second bite.

Stealth (Thorpe Park)

The Quick-Bite Chocolate Shot

Stealth is the ultimate blink-and-you’ll-miss-it thrill. 0 to 80 mph in under two seconds. It’s the equivalent of a tiny, super-rich chocolate espresso shot — you barely have time to register it before it’s gone, leaving you dazed and wanting more.

Vampire (Chessington World of Adventures)

The Dark Chocolate Gothic Egg

This one’s for the drama lovers. Vampire is a gothic classic, and if it were an egg, it would be a brooding, dark chocolate creation filled with cherry liqueur. Looks intimidating, feels a bit mysterious, but you secretly love it.

ICON (Blackpool Pleasure Beach)

The Smooth Belgian Chocolate Egg

ICON is smooth, sleek, and makes it all look effortlessly cool. If it were an Easter egg, it’d be a high-end Belgian chocolate number with a glossy finish and no gimmicks — just pure, satisfying, quality thrills.

Flight of the Pterosaur (Paultons Park)

The Dinosaur-Shaped White Chocolate Egg

A family favourite that’s a bit quirky and a lot of fun. If this ride were chocolate, it’d be a dinosaur-shaped white chocolate egg — maybe a little too sweet for some, but absolutely perfect for younger adventurers and anyone who still judges chocolate by how fun it looks.

Wicker Man (Alton Towers)

The Spicy, Smoky Egg with a Kick

Wicker Man is all about fire, speed, and one seriously atmospheric pre-show. Its Easter egg equivalent? A rustic, handmade-looking chocolate egg with smoky chilli inside. One for the brave — or those who just like their chocolate with a bit of danger.

Tidal Wave (Thorpe Park)

The Liquid-Filled Egg You Regret Immediately

Looks fun, right? Storm Surge promises laughs and a good soaking — just like those weird strawberry cream eggs you think will be great until it bursts in your mouth. An egg you’ll remember… whether you want to or not.

Are you a daring chilli-infused Wicker Man egg, a thrill-chasing Stealth shot, or a classic ICON smooth chocolate? Let us know in the comments.